It’s November, which means that it is National Adoption Month. This means that my social media feeds will be flooded with positive stories about adoption. People will talk about how wonderful it is, how it changes lives, how these kids could have been aborted otherwise. Do I disagree with any of that? Not particularly, no. Certainly, I am glad to be alive. But is that something ANYONE should ever have to think? Oh gee, I’m so glad my mother gave me away instead of killing me. Doesn’t have quite the same ring to it when phrased like that, does it?
Those children that weren’t aborted and were put up for adoption under widely varying circumstances grow up to be adults. Today, using the power of the internet and social media, our thoughts are being heard by the world for the first time. We are able to bring light to a side of adoption that has not, until now, been openly discussed. I say openly with some semblance of regret, since I am still unable (and unwilling) to talk about my adoption story under my real name, for fear of hurting my family.
It is not my intent to disrespect adoptive parents. I truly do think that in most cases, mine included, they felt they were doing what was best for the child. I also feel that there was not a lot of thought given to the future. No one thinks about the thoughts and feelings that child will have as they grow up. Now, there are so many studies and research proving how traumatic it is for a child to be separated from its mother. It is a trauma that lasts a lifetime. It is something that is in the back of our minds every single day and has an impact on how we live our life, whether conscious or not.
If you are an adoptee, we would love to hear you speak out. It is perfectly understandable if you are nervous about talking and hurting your family. As I said above, Ellie is not my real name. For personal and professional reasons, I am not comfortable talking about such a sensitive issue under my real name. Speak out however you are comfortable. You will be heard and supported.
If you are an adoptive parent or someone considering adoption, please keep an open mind as you read the tweets from #FlipTheScript. We do not mean to disrespect you, only to enlighten and educate. We want you to have the knowledge of what your child may feel and experience as they get older. If our voices can help any adoption situation, then we have accomplished something.
There are two sides to every story. It’s time for the world to hear the adoptees side of the adoption story. The most important side to the story.
openadoptionadoptee 
I couldn’t agree more! The more voices and perspectives, the better. You aren’t alone in having to protect your identity while speaking about your thoughts on adoption. As adoptees, we have to be so careful in trying to balance our thoughts with those of our adoptive and first parents when we make those thoughts public and it’s difficult to do that even as adults. Thank you for encouraging all adoptees to be part of the conversation. I’m looking forward to reading #flipthescript tweets, Facebook posts and blog posts all month!
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When I was adopted at the height of the baby scoop era, adoptive parents were told to just love them and it will be just like they are your own. Yes I loved my parents, but I still felt deeply alone and adrift in the world. As soon as I was old enough to realize exactly what adoption was, I felt like I was some sort of freak and my adoptiveness was something to be hidden like an ugly scar. This in spite of my parents constant reminders of how loved and wanted I was. I went through my teens and twenties not knowing who or what I was. Thank you for this page. We need to speak out and tell our stories without fear. All the laws are for the protection of the adults. But we are the ones who bear the burden. For years we were admonished not to look for our first parents. We were told we must respect their privacy. But we were never consulted, never gave our consent to have our identify and heritage taken away. We must all stand as one and let our voices be heard.
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Being a black, and adopted by white parents has caused a lot of confusion and heartache. of course one is thankful to be alive but oftentimes adoptive parents raise their adopted children to feel like they have to be “thankful” and are often told by strange “you are so lucky”. Sometimes being lucky is the worst feeling ever because it means that the others were left behind. In a perfect world, no one should be left behind, and that includes biological families. Adoptive parents should understand that adoption is not really about “a new family”, it is about leaving and old family.
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I’m pretty obviously not speaking out under my own legal name either. Nor my original name. I have two families to hurt with my complicated feelings on adoption — they all decided this would be best for me. It’s what happened, and that influences who I am today. But my feelings on it are complicated, and that’s why I speak out.
Glad to read you, too.
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I am an adoptive mom. I’m writing a memoir about it (names have been changed) because I could not find a raw, honest story from an adoptive parent’s point of view. Most of them are women who can’t have babies and the story is about their journey to adoption and the joy of finally becoming mothers. My husband and I adopted our daughters through foster care. It has been hard, on ALL of us. I wanted other adoptive parents to know they are not alone in their struggles, especially if they are dealing with the poor choices made by the biological parents.
I have no clue how I am going to tell my girls that their parents chose drugs over them. I know that no matter how much I say, “it wasn’t you, it was them,” I am pretty sure they won’t believe me. (Any advice you have for explaining this is appreciated!!!)
I want what is best for my daughters and am grateful to have found adoptee blogs and webpages that give me insight into thoughts and feelings I may not have considered otherwise. Thanks for sharing.
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There is a clear path to drugs for my daughter’s mother. The worthlessness she felt, the shear lack of encouragement to keep her child, the hustling social worker eager to separate this mother from her child, convincing a young mother she could not provide a better life……They took advantage economically, socially, destroyed her child’s identity, left mother and her motherhood broken & discarded. For righteousness, desire & profit. What was needed was compassion & mentoring, at most guardian help, not the loss of surrender, nor perpetrating the feeling of abandonment by being cut off from family, that is cruel & harmful.
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